I went to a party last night. A party with some (to a lot) of high society folk.
I was amazed at how much interaction was superficial. There were real friends there, don’t get me wrong, but there were also a lot of people trying to socially climb and just get a word with the people who had power.
I felt a little bad for the people who had power that just wanted to have a moment to themselves–they didn’t get it. Some of them did “hold court,” but not all.
What struck me most and I’ve had to reflect on is a comment a man made in passing at the food table “I had to lose weight because I like sleeping with my wife too much.”
Not really that uncommon a statement, but something worth unpacking.
First of all: should everyone keep themselves in good physical shape: yes. This should not be a question. They owe it to themselves to do.
Should a spouse feel an obligation to keep themselves in shape for the benefit of the person they are married to? Yes. It’s a respectful thing to do for the one you married for aesthetic and, more importantly, health reasons. People out of shape are more likely to develop health complications which inhibits child-bearing/-rearing and other necessary day-to-day activities.
However.
I struggle with the callousness and superficiality of the statement–and possibly because I have thought similar early-stage thoughts. I haven’t ever said anything out loud. But I’ve had the seed of a thought that could turn into that statement.
Although a marriage should obligate the spouse to stay healthy for themselves and each other, one’s weight and eventual physical appearance should not be a condition for continued attachment.
I’m glad the man last night got fit. He clearly feels better about himself. But I’m sad he feels more secure in his relationship as a result of that series of actions. I hope the (probably months to years of) struggle were valuable for personal growth and increased mental and physical toughness. I hope he was joking more than he was serious in his comment and his appearance wasn’t actually condition of his continued relationship to his wife.