At the beginning of the year, we moved to KC and placed ourselves in God’s hands.
Intentionally. With the prayer that we would be used as was needful to accomplish His work.
It didn’t go the way we thought, and I’ve been frustrated, bitter, and more since.
It was reminiscent of another time things didn’t go the way I thought they should.
Leaving my job has been a good reset. It’s taken four+ months to review and come back to what is meaningful. But that’s a bit quicker than last time. Generally repenting should accelerate the more you do it. But that isn’t always how things go.
Sitting around and waiting for things to happen isn’t my style. Never really has been. Probably never will be.
But I needed to back off. To stop trying to run so fast.
As we prep to get a second blood draw today, the prayer in my heart (maybe just in my head, I might not be humble enough yet) is “I place myself in You hands again.”
I’ve seen God take care of me many times before. The crushing weight of responsibility of being a parent—and being one without a job—is probably something I should be beginning from day one with a focus on God and letting Him prevail in my life.
Prevail in (1) whether we have children and (2) how I provide for them.
Much of this learning to enjoy the journey seems to come back to humility.
The only positive takeaway from that is “at least I’m humble enough to recognize I’m prideful.”