I don’t miss my depression. A friend of mine writes he misses his. That certainly would not be something I would ever say outright. Being at the depth of a canyon filled with heavy water is not a place to which I want to return.
But I learned things about myself during that time. Things I likely would not have learned in an easier way.
I’m not sure I had a darkest moment. I had a lot of really dark moments, though. During each of them–without fail, without exception–I turned to God. I might have been crying on the floor of my shower, but I turned to God and prayed.
It’s a common wonder among people who grew up LDS whether they would be or become members of The Church had they not been born to believing parents. I’ve often concluded I would not.
After this experience, I believe I would have searched. I would have spent so much time questioning, learning, searching for something additional beyond the miracles science gives us. There are things our current science cannot explain. (That’s ok, the purpose of science is to eventually be able to explain all things.)
In my darkest moment I needed something more. I needed understanding. I needed something sure in my life. If I had not been born to the parents I have, if I had not been taught the sure Truths of Eternity, this would have been the time I searched until I found them.
No single friend, no counselor, no mentor, no parent could have brought the surety in my wave-ridden, windy, dark, and wet moments of depression that the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ brought me.
Nothing else can bring that level of peace and acceptance. No amount of social interaction, medication (self- or otherwise), or anything else could have brought me to the stable place from which i had to start rebuilding my life.
I don’t miss my depression. But it revealed things to me. It revealed the depth of my faith. My beliefs, my knowledge, my trust in God are rooted deeply in the core of who I am, and I am willing to endure smelting and fulling to become someone better (Mal 3:2-3). God sees my blueprint, even if I do not, and He is willing to guide me through Hell to achieve His vision of my future.