I went to visit with a professional yesterday to determine what level of assistance I may need.
Went through the whole story, answered a whole range of questions, expressed my concerns, and 🥁
Clean bill of mental health. Nothing he would consider to the level of a disorder.
Which means
I am my own agent. I’m in charge of my actions and reactions. This aligns with my pre-conceived conclusions and my long time beliefs.
However, it means in times like the recent and previous depths that I am the sole person who can reverse it.
More importantly, I can prevent them
So. I’m in charge. I’m not at the whims of my chemistry. I’m not beholden to anything but my own choices.
Which is empowering. And frightening.
I have agency. I can and must act.