In A Knight’s Tale, the antagonist tells the protagonist, “You have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting.”
As I’ve pondered the experiences I’ve had in my life the last two years, but especially the last five months, I’ve felt the same has been communicated to me by heaven.
To have deep conviction that a path should be followed and then sacrifice much to follow that path, only to have to essentially leave it due to emergency, leaves me deeply disappointed.
As I’ve sought solace relating to the situation, I’ve gained most in the realization that I am not yet enough in key ways to have succeeded at the path I walked.
This does not lessen the disappointment. It causes consternation that I was asked to walk it, long before I was apparently ready.
And it causes reflection and frustration that I was not ready.
But truly I was weighed, measured, and found wanting.
I am not yet what I must be to walk such a path.
I don’t know what I must do to get there. It hurts to feel I am not enough. But I don’t know how else I could have handled it.
I did everything I knew how.
Apparently I must widen and deepen my capacity. Until one day I am not found wanting.