Window to me for a post. Like more window than normal.
I spent 10 days in Miami and the Caribbean two weeks ago. Before that break, I spent 5 weeks straight working 10-14 hours days, preparing for a video game convention appearance. It was basically hell. My stress levels jumped through the roof, and the only think I could thing about was getting thigns done.
I had stuff to do on four different fronts, and I had to do them. They couldn’t be passed on to my partner or anyone else.
Read as much stress into that as you can, then quintuple it. You might be close to the amount of stress I was feeling. I left on vacation as the stress peaked.
Now we open the window.
There were a few people I knew pretty well on this trip with me and a few I didn’t know well. We were on a red-eye, cross-country flight, and I ended up seated next to a girl I didn’t know too well.
After about an hour of trying to sleep, it was clear neither of us could sleep, so I offered to lean against the side of the plane, and she could lean against me.
This may have been misleading in the “hey I’m interested in you” kind of way, and that’s something I’m not proud of–I don’t think that’s a classy thing to do, and I try not to do it at all costs.
But having her lean against me and me being able to relax a bit and then hold her de-stressed me in extremely unexpected ways.
The simple act of extended touching–regardless of interest level (for sure on my part)–calmed me down immensely. I didn’t sleep on that flight, but my stress level reduced to levels it hasn’t been at in a really long time.
So although I’m not too proud of myself on a relationship standpoint–I’m not a non-committal cuddler–I can’t imagine anything else that would have allowed me to de-stress enough to enjoy the trip and not thing about what needed to be done on my video game in preparation for our Kickstarter campaign and all the things I was going to have to return to after the trip.
Touch. It’s a major destressor for me, apparently.
I knew this already. The difficulty is that it also is a stressor. I want to have someone who will consistently be in my life and will always be there when I need it.
Even though this was a very necessary thing for me at the time, looking back, it is a hollow experience. It had no intent in it. The act was sufficient to de-stress me. But to de-stress me permanently, it needs to be with someone who cares about me and whom I care about.
Until then, maintaining stress will be a slightly stressful balance.